By the end of January 2013 I felt much more confident and prepared for Adam’s second visit to see me in Utah. We were getting the hang of this back and forth thing between Utah and Costa Rica, so much that I even left a few favorite items of clothes at his place in Costa Rica when I left mid January, knowing I’d be back, though I wasn’t sure when yet. Leaving some clothes and personal items at Adam’s house felt like I was setting an intention and reserving space for my next return.
Meanwhile in Utah it was the snowiest time of year, so we borrowed more clothes from my Match.com friend Justin, as well as ski clothes from another guy friend, so that Adam and I could experience Park City as tourists and hit the ski slopes. I loved that I got to see my home town of Park City through fresh eyes, or Adam’s eyes.
And though we were trying to be on vacation, our new yoga retreat company was on my mind. I’d never hosted my own yoga retreat before and I wasn’t a yoga instructor, so I knew I’d need a lot of support to host a retreat, and I was excited to invite my favorite yoga instructor James along for the journey. So one snowy morning, while Adam was sleeping, I met up with James at the local coffee shop, and shared our Gateway Explorations vision with him and invited him to be the lead instructor for our inaugural retreat. He was thrilled and especially loved that I wanted the retreat to be themed around the “Four Agreements” by Don Miguel Ruiz, because his teachings were so meaningful for Adam and I. We picked first week in August 2013 as our retreat date, and James enthusiastically agreed to being the co-host. With that settled, was official; we were one step closer to hosting our first yoga retreat as gateway explorations! I could hardly contain my excitement when I arrived back to a sleeping Adam at my house, so rather than wake him up with the good news, I sat at my laptop and uploaded a picture of James to my graphic designer Thomas, sent him the logistical details for the flyer, and we were on our way to having our first retreat flyer. Things felt really exciting and like it was all coming together.
And though I was on a sabbatical from my normal work, I noticed the strong desire in my body to still want to show up for something each day and go through a lot of the rituals of my morning, such as waking up early, making my coffee and a shake and walking Zona dog. But once I’d done all that, I didn’t know what to do with myself. I no longer HAD to jump in the shower, or get dressed and or do my hair for work and or get into my car to drive up to the spa. In a way it felt like a limb from my day had been removed. I’d often check the yoga schedule to see if there were any morning classes I wanted to attend, or if James had added any, but since I’d already organized my inbox, organized my ITunes and decluttered my house, my soul was looking for things to put my energy into, so Gateway explorations and this first retreat got my energy.
Sure I was intending this sabbatical time to be for writing my first book, but when I’d sit down either with a blank notebook or a blank screen on my computer, I also felt blank. It felt weird to write about my life because I was still living it and seeing where everything was connecting and making sense. Therefore the book got put to the side and I decided it was far too interesting to be in my life living it than to be writing about it. And so I looked for opportunities for Adam and I to explore life together.
And just as life with Adam became my focus, I saw an opportunity to grow with him present itself. Several members of the group who I’d been with during my yoga retreat in Costa Rica were having a reunion dinner in Denver to catch up, exchange pictures, and discuss how they’ve implemented the Four Agreements principles. The event was February 3rd, and it popped up on Facebook that adam and I were invited. Even though we didn’t live in Colorado, after seeing the event it gave me an idea. What if we could be there in person?
Sure it was going to be exciting to reunite with them and show them that Adam and I were really making a go at being together, plus I was excited to see Lisa (my roommate) especially. But I also saw it as a great opportunity for Adam to meet Bill in person; he was the alchemist in Golden, Colorado who my accountant Holly had called me about, insisting that he and Adam meet.
I discussed the plan to go to Denver with Adam and he was down for it. The other bonus was that it was Super Bowl weekend, so one of Adam’s best friends from Duke also lived in Denver, and was hosting a Superbowl party. So out of nowhere came a 3 for 1 trip; it was a reunion dinner, a chance to see Adams college friend at his Superbowl party and for us to meet the Alchemist. And a 4 for 1 trip if you included the fact that Adam would get to see Boulder, my college town, and be able to experience that part of my life.
Let it be known that flying myself to and from Costa Rica, Adam to and from Costa Rica, and is both to and from Denver wasn’t cheap, but for some reason during this time I didn’t let money be the reason for a no at all. I let money feel limitless and I’d Figure it all out later I thought, so I continued to purchase plane tickets for us both on my credit card.
It still felt strange to be making decisions about my schedule without checking with my spa first; I was free to do what I wanted, but I noticed how ingrained it was in me to want to know what was happening there, who was around and how things were going. But I’d handed over the full management to my spa director Calli, so if I was really going to see who I was outside of the spa, I needed to be outside of it, and not have it be part of my decision making both for trips and day to day decisions and thoughts. And so we booked our flight to Denver for the next weekend.
And it felt new and different to be boarding a plane to Denver with my new love for vacation time from my hiatus time. We landed in Denver, rented a car and stopped into our hotel room in central Denver before the dinner party. Our hotel was near enough to all we wanted to do, so it was perfect. The reunion dinner on Saturday was nice, and it was fun to see several faces from the retreat outside of Costa Rica and share our vision of hosting our own retreats as a way for Adam and I to create a life together both in Utah and Costa Rica. We said our goodbyes and went back to our hotel room to have a quiet night to ourselves.
The next day was super bowl Sunday and our plan was to spend it with Adams college friend at his house party. I loved meeting Ryan and it was nice to see Adam connect with his old college friend, but the scene was quite loud and with lots of people, so after we’d said our hellos and gotten reacquainted with Ryan, we sat down together onto the living room couch. There were about 15 people in the room watching the game on tv, along with lots of beer, hard alcohol and all the food that normally accompanies a Super bowl party. We knew we’d never see any of these people again, so we appreciated that after there was one grandiose intro of, “hey friends, this is my buddy Adam from college and his girl Harriet,” that was about it and we blended right in, or they forgot we were even there.
There was a big screen tv playing the game and Adam and I were sitting on the far left side of a very cushiony, cozy and soft leather couch that had a high back, so we disappeared down into it, making it feel like we were in our own world together, which we were. The room was loud and full, but it felt like it was just the two of us there on that couch. Adam didn’t drink alcohol and I didn’t care for it either, so we snacked on the game food and just laughed together at this random scene of people and energy we’d found ourselves in, but in Denver. During the halftime show, I watched a scantily clad Beyonce dancing around the stage singing “If you like it you gotta put a ring on it” and I turned to Adam with a grin and whispered in his ear, “you know, if you like it, you gotta put a ring on it,” and he looked at me in a way I hadn’t seen before. His eyes were meeting mine and his head and heart were calculating and digesting my words, and I immediately felt insecure I’d just said that.
What was I doing?! I thought. I’m going to scare him away!
You see I’d been “ghosted” by men several times in the past when I’d said something too forward, and I’d never hear from them again, so saying too much was a sensitive point for me. But after a few seconds of silence Adam just smiled even bigger and came in for a kiss that told me not to worry for a second about what I’d just said. I was relieved that I didn’t need to walk on pins and needles with him and apparently, I could say whatever was entering my heart, so I continued. I leaned in a little closer and again whispered in his ear, “baby, I know you’re having a great time seeing your friend and we’re here watching this game, but I also want you to know that I’d love to be naked with you back in our hotel room watching this and doing…” I filled him in on my desires and watched his eyes widen in excitement.
I had no intention of actually leaving the party, because I wanted Adam to spend time with his friend, and the naked hotel room scene was just a fleeting thought that came into my awareness that I shared with him, but 2 minutes later Adam was up saying his goodbyes, and holding my hand while he guided me out the door with me grinning in excitement the entire way. We got a little lost on our way back to our hotel, so what should have taken us 25 minutes took about 45 minutes, but we got a scenic tour of downtown Denver, and felt a huge sigh of relief once we arrived back to our hotel. And sure enough, once we arrived, clothes came off and Adam was on top of me, carefully taking me places I still was new to going sexually, because I’d never equated sex with love. Up to that point in my life I’d mainly just experienced sex as more of a duty, or something I needed to get out of the way with a boyfriend because it had been a while and I felt guilty. Equating sex with pleasure, fun and love was new for me, so there were some times when out of nowhere I’d start crying when Adam and I were making love, and that day in the hotel room that's what happened. It was quite clear that something different was unfolding between Adam and I, and my body knew it and was responding to the difference as well.
When we finished our grand love making session, I jokingly said to Adam, “let’s see who won the game” because based on normal super bowl game time, we’d left right as the halftime show was ending and the game was picking back up, so it should have been over. But as we turned the t.v. on we were shocked to see that it was only about 2 minutes into the 3rd quarter. How could that be? It was like time stood still for us! But in fact it did, because we learned that the stadium lights had gone out, which delayed the game about 75 minutes, just enough time for us to get lost on our way home, make amazing love and do exactly what I’d whispered in Adam’s ear at the party. Wow. I’d wanted to watch the game naked in our hotel room, and with the help of the Universe making the lights go out, that was exactly what was now happening.
We were blown away.
Did I help make the lights go out with my intention? It was fun to think about, that an intention could be so powerful and so magical, but I’d soon come to realize that magic like that was just beginning to unfold.
We ordered some food up to the room and enjoyed the most peaceful nights sleep I’d had in some time, which was perfect because the next day was when we were scheduled to go meet the alchemist in Golden, Colorado, about 30 minutes away. We didn’t have a plan for what would happen when we met up with Bill the alchemist. We just knew that we’d know more once we were there, and that’s exactly what happened.
More on that life changing meeting soon.