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Day 82: the first night together

It was Wednesday December 5th, 2012 in the early evening and I was scheduled to give a massage at 8pm to the handsome young healer Adam who’d just done my healing session earlier. I’d been a massage therapist for 10 years at that point which means I’d given 1000’s of massages, but I’d never given a massage to a handsome single man in the middle of the jungle, who according to the vision I had earlier, I was supposed to marry and have his child. So totally understandable why I put some pressure on myself and I was a little nervous. The plan was for Adam the healer to come to my guesthouse 13 at the sugar beach hotel at 8pm, and I’d work on him in exchange for our healing session earlier. I didn’t have a massage table or oil, but I was used to working with minimal tools when traveling with sports teams, so I felt confident in my ability to deliver a great massage. Our group dinner was usually at 6pm, so by 5:55 I was dressed and ready up at the ocean view dining area, but other than staff, I was the only one there, which was odd. I must have looked confused because the bartender told me my group was late from returning from their day excursions, so dinner was pushed back to 7ish, which meant probably closer to 7:30. And since it was a bit of a hike back to my room, I decided to stay and hang out at the bar and chat with the bartender who kept insisting I give him my Facebook info as he kept feeding me free alcoholic fruity drinks. So that meant by 7pm when the group arrived back, I was buzzed, bubbly and in need of food. I pulled my roommate Lisa aside as the group poured into the dining area telling her the cliff notes about my session with the healer Adam and how he was coming to our room in an hour for a massage from me. She looked at me and grinned; and I swear I saw a different sort of look in her eyes, like a knowing. Was this something special? Her eyes asked me? And my eyes smiled back. Yes. She informed me she also connected with someone on the trip that day; a handsome gentleman who was traveling solo. And it just so happened that she’d already made plans with him for after dinner, so her smile was a confirmation that she wouldn’t be in our room for other great reasons. And we knew everything was unfolding perfectly according to our no plan. I ate a quick dinner and returned to my room to prepare for the massage. Lisa stopped back in right before 8pm to take a quick shower and get what she needed for her night with her guy friend, and then she hugged me as she was leaving. We’d had a lot of great talks in our roommate experience thus far, but we hadn’t really touched yet. So it was surprising to feel her come in for a hug. It was odd, but it was also perfect; and I knew in that moment I had a new lifetime friend. Lisa was the kind of girl who wanted love and happiness for herself, and for those around her, and she cheered people on and it felt genuine. And her hug said that. After she left I straightened up our room by folding some clothes, picking up some towels, making my bed, placing a towel over the bed, filling my water bottle and preparing a glass of water for him. I had my iPhone on the nightstand playing a massage mix and when I dimmed the lights and looked around, I was impressed with the space I’d just created in room 13. It was now a cozy healing space that had a different feel to it than any massage space I’d created before. It felt soft, open, maybe a little flirty and ready for anything. I was wearing my favorite two tone grey reversible lululemon pants that felt so soft to the touch and fit me well. And on top I had my trip shirt that was the black tank with the faint “I love you” in dark red. My hair was tied neatly up on the top of my head and I had my Burt’s Bee’s tinted lip gloss on, with the tube sitting on the bedside table. The color was “red dahlia.” I looked and felt great. And I was definitely nervous and still a little drunk. I’d closed the curtains to prepare the space, so I couldn’t watch adam the healer approach up the path this time. We had said 8pm, but seeing as how he was late for our first healing session, I wondered if he’d be late to our massage as well. But when I heard a light knock on the door at 7:59, I knew it was him. And he was early this time and I loved that. Rather than throw open the door as I did earlier in the day, I slowly cracked open the door and peaked around it. And there I saw what I can only describe as a man that was just a warm bundle of love and excitement. His palpable joy got me excited and a little hyper, so words began to spill out of my mouth. “Hi, I’m a little drunk; I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to, it’s just that the bartender kept giving me drinks as I waited for our group that was running late”. It was as though I was trying to explain away or ask for forgiveness for my current state of being, but he smiled and opened the door, not caring if I was a little loopy. He was just happy to be there with me and I loved that. I could feel butterflies in my stomach, a feeling that I hadn’t had in a while, and it made me feel young and like I was indeed on vacation and anything could happen. We talked for a few minutes, mostly about his body and how my massage typically unfolds, and then I directed him to the bed that was now a pseudo massage space. I told him to undress to his comfort level and start face down, and I’d wait for him in the bathroom to tell me when to come out. Now I’d done this pre-massage ritual 1000’s of times before, but this time I was feeling so shy and fumbly, and it was funny. I heard Adam let me know he was ready, and when I came back to the bedside he was lying face up without his shirt on with an enormous grin. I smiled back and asked him to please turn over, but I did take in his tanned, toned and hairless chest and I felt attracted to him in every cell of my body. But this was a massage, and I was going to do my best to stay professional, because he gave me a great healing session earlier, though I still had no idea what to do with the fact that I’d seen myself barefoot, pregnant, married and living in Costa Rica with him. Had he known what I saw, things could have been awkward and maybe he wouldn’t have agreed to a massage with me. These were the thoughts circulating around in my head. I grounded myself in order to begin the session and when I put my hands on him for the first time, I felt a surge of energy come through my hands and it was as though I was connecting with him deeper than just skin to skin. This was unlike anything I’d ever felt before, which was exciting and a little intimidating, but still we both sank into it as though we’d been exchanging healing energy together for lifetimes. Our session began as a lot of my massages do and I went through each area of his body checking in with it, but then something different began to happen. I placed my hands under his neck, supporting him and began to do full body energy scan, beginning at his feet and working my way up. This was something I didn’t know I had the skill set or awareness of how to do, but with him it felt easy and natural. As I scanned his body I could feel areas of discomfort or resistance and it felt like I’d been handed a key to unlock a new doorway of healing that I’d never opened before and I was grateful and curious about whatever was happening. I spoke to Adam softly as I did the energy scan, encouraging him to let go of the resistance that I could see in various parts of his body, but it wasn’t a seeing I was doing with my eyes. It was an awareness of what I could best describe as his auric field. I did a little bit of hands on massage work as well, but this ceremony between us went on for over 3 hours and we had no concept of time. At some point, Lisa entered the room, but I was so far deep in this parallel universe with Adam that I hardly noticed her. She slipped back out of the room leaving us to complete our experience, and later when I saw her, she told me that when she entered and felt the energy in the room, it felt electric, and she said it was the closest thing to love she’d ever felt between two people in her life. I had no sense of time that night, I just had a sense of Adam, and that was all I needed. When I finally completed the ceremony it was almost 1 in the morning and adam leaned in and gave me what was the sweetest and most perfect kiss I'd ever experienced in my life. And then he asked if I'd like to spend some time with him the next day. Spend time with him again? Yes! But that meant leaving the yoga retreat I'd paid quite a bit for, and I didn’t know if leaving was even allowed. But I also remembered that I’m a grown woman in charge of my choices, and time with adam sounded like what I wanted to do, so I said yes. Adam said he'd come and pick me up the next day after lunch, so I'd get the morning workshop with my group, and he said we were heading to a beach called Grande to surf because his brother was also in town from Chicago staying at his house and wanted to surf. We shared one last long hug before he left my guest house and it felt like I could stay pressed against his chest forever, because everything felt right. I went to sleep that night hardly able to contain myself. I'd gotten a healing session where i’d seen a very different view of my life, one in which I was in love, living in another country, married to a healer and about to have his baby. Nothing made sense about that reality because it was so far from my current reality, area code and relationship status. After all, I'd literally just broken up with my boyfriend 6 days earlier, so it was a lot to take in. I knew it was best to just take this thing with Adam 1 day at a time, and that next day would begin after I got some sleep. I heard Lisa come in after I was nearly asleep and though I was so excited to tell her what happened, I was also exhausted and knew we would talk about it in the morning. I’d also be letting her know that I was leaving the retreat to hang out with adam, and seeing as how her father was the organizer, I hoped the news would be received better, and she’d hopefully wait to tell him after I was gone. A part of me wondered if I was dreaming. I’d know if he showed up tomorrow to pick me up. More on that soon. Namaste --

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