Day 48: sexual healing

September 25, 2018

 

 

Yesterday I shared my life configured as a fairy tale and my coach Mike Iamele gave me some great feedback on it.

He invited me to pick one doorway of trauma and go deeper.

Initially when he mentioned it I thought I wasn’t ready to go deeper, but in further reflection, I’ve decided I’m ready to pick a doorway of healing to enter and I’m going in.

I’m inviting myself to acknowledge, write out, clear and release my sex story, and shift it to a positive space.

In my sex story there’s:
Date Rape
Friend rape
Family sexual dysfunction
Rejection
Betrayal
Lies
Confusion
Embarrassment
Unclear boundaries
No instruction maps
Shame
Envy
Quiet suffering
Don’t ask don’t tell vibes
Hush hush vibes
Secrecy

Not a lot of love, connection, trust, joy, pleasure or healthy exploration until I was 35 and met Adam.

And I’ve never acknowledged my whole sex story together and asked to heal from it all until now. But I feel ready because I deserve to have a healthy, vibrant, bold, authentic, magical, grateful & free sex life.

So yeah, big stuff brewing in my healing pot.

That being said, on my life accountability call with my girlfriend this morning, I shared this and my goal to have a more active & sensual sex life, but then I also admitted shamefully that I said no to sex yesterday for no good reason that I could think of. And I hated that and felt like a bad wife & partner. Then she shared her body had said no to sex for no good reason on the same day. 

This is ridiculous. Two women who are in love with their partners and want a strong healthy marriage and sex life are getting blocked by their old sex stories. It’s time that came to an end.

So together, we are taking on our sex stories so that the trauma stops with us. And here’s how we’re beginning the healing ceremony:

1. Giving ourselves permission to heal our sex story
2. Get a journal for the month of October
3. Begin by writing out all the pieces of our sex story that we’re ready to release and clear, and then assign them a point system. For example, (-1) being a shitty experience and (-4) being a horrible trauma like a rape.
4. For October, we’ll focus on building love and intimacy with our husbands and journaling about it all and assigning points to actions. Making love: 20 points, quickie: 15 points, blow job: 10 points, a great talk: 5 points, a massage: 5 points, a gorgeous dinner together: 3 points. You get where we’re going.
5. Assign rewards for different levels of points: an ice cream run, a fancy dinner, a naked day, a massage, a vacation.
6. We’re drowning out the trauma for good with love.

So yeah, that’s what’s happening. Just sexual healing, across generations, and doing it for the divine feminine, no big deal This full moon in Aries yesterday was a big one.

Namaste  

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